Been in love?

Someone, I don’t know who, said that, “love was a feeling you feel when you are about to feel a feeling you’ve never felt before!”

So I was just wondering, what’s it like to be in love?

Is it really like flying in the clouds with that weightless feeling that makes your insides turn or is it like floating on the waves in the high seas with the wind blowing through your hair and the water spraying sprinkles on your face? 

Is it like the delicious taste of the first bite of milk chocolate melting on your tongue or is it like the sharp tang of the first sip of sweet sparkling wine on a warm night? 

Is it like the soft delicate smell of a white rose in full bloom or is it like the intoxicating scent of an expensive spray of fragile feminine French perfume?

Is it like the pounding of a heart racing as if one had run a marathon in world record time or is it like a million tingling sensations covering the body from the tips of the toes to ends of the hair, never stopping?

Is it like the crescendo of a thousand violins playing in the largest world orchestra, ever or is it like the deafening sound of a million waterfalls?

Is it really all about feelings, sensations, scents and sounds?

Could it also be about acceptance in spite of all evident weaknesses and faults or could it be about a special appreciation of the other person that beats all understanding?

Could it be about a meeting of two souls and the joining of two spirits or could it be the mashing of two opposites complementing each other in unique ways?

Could it be about the connection of two hearts and two minds or could it be the deliberate blending of two completely different lives in spite of everything around them into one?

Could it simply be the laying down of one’s life for the other?

Could it be all this or could it really be this complicated? 

I was thinking …

Life is all about changing, growing, maturing… It never stops and we have to keep up with it.  Most of the time it just happens without us noticing what is going on and we move along unconsciously adjusting our lives to the different situations and challenges we face.  At times we have to stop, reflect, review and reassess the circumstances; but we cannot stop for long, we must keep moving along.  In order to do this, we have to make decisions that will have consequences. Whatever happens as a result of our choices is a learning experience that will help us in the future.  An important thing to remember is not to live life in the past allowing what we have gone through to rule how live in the present, but at the same time we should not live as if our past didn’t happen.

bitten by the bug

Life has taken an enormous turn for me in a most unexpected and absolutely wonderful direction!  To say that I am happy is an understatement of the fact.  I am ecstatic, totally rapturous, out of this world euphoric, walking on cloud nine! …and even all these words do not describe properly what I am feeling.  I have been bitten by the bug!

For anyone who has ever been bitten you will recognize the symptoms.  I feel light headed, my heart is racing and my tummy is turning over.  I feel all warm inside and yet I am shivering!  There is a big smile on my face.  I know I normally have a smile, but this is really big and I feel like giggling and laughing at the smallest silliest thing. The world is bright even in the dark thunder storm.  What mud? Puddles, potholes, where?

I imagine there is antidote for this bite, but rest assured that I do not want the cure and I’m sure that all who have been bitten know what I mean.

answered prayers

The Bible tells us to ask and we shall receive Matthew 7:7 – 11

 7Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

 9“Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

Well, I asked and I have received. It is simply wonderful! Rest assured that God lives up to this promise all the way.  He lives up to all His promises. Thank you Lord!

Customer care, what’s that?

You would imagine that it is a simple and straightforward thing to buy school uniforms for a new school year.  Well, then if you are like me and left it until the week before school opens you must have had the same rude awakening I had.  The traffic at the uniform shop gave the impression that everyone had been out of the country for the summer holidays and had just returned.  The place was packed and the owners do not believe in saying no or come back next week.  Everybody’s order is taken, their money too with promises of completed uniforms to be picked up before school opens.

The day before school opened, the shop was full of irate parents, loud voices and excuses from the owners, lots and lots of excuses!  I didn’t see anyone leave with completed uniforms, only more promises, new dates for picking up the uniforms and for some, refund of monies paid.  What a mess! But to top it all, the shop owner has the audacity to take out her incompetence on a child!  These people know nothing about customer care let alone child rights.  One little girl was there to collect her uniform and amidst all the noise, she made her presence known presenting a receipt.  Poor thing never knew what hit her, when the owner sent some sketching unrepeatable words in her direction as she handed her the uniforms.  Tears welling up in her eyes and without saying a word, the little girl gathered up her package, left the shop.

Shame on that woman!

He heard me …

Way deep down in our very being, deeper than you can ever imagine is our spirit.  May be it isn’t as deep as I am making out, but because of all the ‘stuff’ going on in our lives, our emotions, thoughts, ambitions, downs and ups, deadlines, successes and disappointments … so much going on, the spirit is hard to find.  If you just still yourself and let God, you will hear his voice speak to you in your spirit.

I am thankful that I have been going through this rather intense period in my life.  Thankful not because it has been easy, but because it has caused me to calm down, stop, step back and assess what is really going on.  It has been very emotional, stressful, demanding, heart breaking and the tears – well they just won’t dry up.  There is so much remorse, recrimination, regret and the usual question of ‘why’. 

I cried out for help and the Lord heard me.  In all that ‘stuff’ going on, His quiet yet firm voice came through.  He spoke to me, to ME! I was so humbled, I felt so unworthy, and yet in all that I still found the voice to reiterate my plea for help.  The Lord has answered and bottom line in His answer was His question, “do I believe He can help me? Do I believe He has my best interests at heart?”  Of course I do … at least on face value, yes I do.  But at that time I was forced to look deeper into my very being and ask myself this question.  It’s all about faith, faith in God… and yes, I do believe.  I spent some quality time with the Lord and at the end of it all, I was pretty much all together again.

I have another poem expressing how I feel now.  As you read this on, remember that faith is not about feelings.  It is about believing irrespective of what you see and feel. Here is the link … an encounter …

Head Held High …

The instinct for self preservation and survival is so strong in us that we cannot remain beaten for long.  These are wise words, easy to say but not so easy to follow.  I have always been the first to say things like ‘it doesn’t rain forever, the sun will eventually come out’ and ‘even when night falls, dawn will come’ and many more.  I thought that these words were comforting and encouraging.  They probably are as they are true, but for me right now it seems as if the rain storm is going on for ever and the night, well there doesn’t appear to be any sign of dawn.  Survival and self preservation are currently the furthest things from my mind.

People like to say that time helps heal the hurt.  I know that it’s only been a couple of days, but each day brings with it more pain and despair than the one before.  I do believe that things will get better and that I will one day look back this time with a smile and think about what an utter hopeless bum I was.  For now all I can do is hold my head up high and get on with life.  I do wish it was as easy to do as it is to write down.  I have written another illegible poem about what I am going through.  Follow the link if you would like to delve deeper into my fairly mix up mind – Deep expressions …

Life goes on …

And so the melt down began. As soon as I laid my head down to rest the tears started. Lots and lots of tears… They just flow of their own accord no stopping them. Tears of pain, hurt, frustration, anger, regret, disappointment, more anger, more pain. It goes on and on until sleep steals me away…

This morning I feel like a truck dragged me through the mud and dumped me  in a ditch overnight. I must say though that the tightness in my chest has eased, a bit, but the pit in my stomach is just digging deeper and deeper. So I’m filling it with lots of coffee, strong black bitter coffee with no sugar.

The learning continues and even if these may not be entirely new things, for this time and this situation they are lessons:

• It takes strength to let yourself cry
• Never make conclusions on suppositions, there could be a logical reason for the way things are
• Find out the full story, and then be upset if you must
• There is no progress without communication
• Crying gives you a head ache and does nothing for your eyes (except clean them out, I think)
• The coffee  thing, doesn’t work …

Life

Last week was for me a see saw of emotions both sweet and sour. Thinking back it is hard to believe what actually went down. Over the weekend I had time to reflect and try to sort out the delirious chaos. I’m afraid I didn’t do very well there. Truth be told I don’t seem to be able to get a handle on things. I consider myself to be a mature responsible person generally in control of my life. So this situation is rather baffling as it refuses to conform.

Sitting at my desk on Monday morning, I’m trying to calm the tightness in my chest and fill an empty sensation in the pit of my tummy (with coffee, strong black coffee with no sugar), and I am curbing the urge to pick up the phone and call… I wonder what this week holds for me.   Heart break, pain, and more emotional upheaval? I can’t help thinking that it won’t be peachy. So I’m trying to brace for the worst and telling myself to think positively about what I have learnt from this whirlwind experience. This is what I have come up with so far:

• Anything of worth is never an easy breeze
• I am not ‘super woman’ when it comes to …
• Never take lightly the time you spend in God’s presence
• Don’t get all cozy and settled in your organized life because just around the corner is a sand storm. Are you ready to handle it?
• Whatever you go through in life, the Lord is always there to listen, comfort you and help you through it
• It’s safe to stay all fenced up and tight and risky to open up, but wouldn’t life be boring without those ‘skate on the ice’ experiences?

What a week!

This week has been a whirlwind of emotions for me.  I would never have thought in a million years (well except in my dreams) that something like this would happen to me at this time in my life.  I guess its good great actually fantastic!  But it also feels dangerous, like the edge of the cliff sort of thing, exciting in a thrilling prodigious spine-tingling way. 

I tried to write down how it all felt and being a children’s writer it came out in a barely legible poem.  To read the poem, follow the link.  An expression…